My Life Story

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Childhood

Overall my childhood was pretty good, except for a few minor things.

One day a kid was pissed off at me for no reason so he stabbed me with a pencil. Before he stabbed me he sharpened it to make it sharp. He stabbed me so far in that the pencil tip was about 1 mm away from my spine. He pulled it out really fast. I found out it was that close to my spine when the doctor said I had lead in my back. Surgery was too risky so they left it. It was not enough to do any damage, however for the next few years you could see a black line in the middle of my back.


Another day, I was going to see why my friend was in the hallway during class time. So I walked up to the doorway and rested my hand on the door frame. My fingers were between the hinges and the door. He slammed the door on my fingers His illogical reason? "I didn't want him stealing my food."

This is where I had my fingers.

This is sort of what the door
looked like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Few Years Later...

 

The top of the hill.

Birds eye view of the hill.

When I was a little bit older I was with a friend, who
I played with often. He showed me his new Bionicle and I really wanted it. He told me I could have if I went down a huge hill on my bike which still had training wheels on it, so I did! The hill is on an angle all the way down. My front wheel hit a big rock and due to my speed at an angle I ended up going up in the air spinning. I landed on my back with the wind knocked out of me screaming for his help. He ended up going in for dinner. Luckily I wasn't hurt besides a few bruises.

 

This is a Bionicle

 



A view of the hill from the bottom.  Credit to Google Images, Google Maps, Google Street View, and Google Earth for the photos.

Middle School

For reasons I'd rather not say my parents and I moved to Calgary. This was great because I was a lot closer to my cousin. My home life was pretty good, but sadly my school life wasn't. I was bullied a lot at school, and I did not feel very welcomed. I only had a few friends. Guys would scare me in the hallways by staring me down as they walked by and then jumped towards me. Girls weren't that nice to me either. About 90% of girls looked at me with disgust. One week during gym we were learning how to dance. We each had to be paired up with the opposite gender. Then we would dance to the song that played and switch partners. The guy would hold out his hands palm up. One girl refused to take my hands. Everyone was staring, and I silently begged her to just take my hands, but she didn't. The teacher told her to take my hands, but she still wouldn't. He started yelling at her to take my hands, which didn't make me feel any better. Even her friends told her to just take my hands. Literally everyone was staring at me, and my face was beet red. This did major damage to my self esteem. She was eventually sent to the office, and I was excused from the dance.


After a little bit more drama (mostly cyber bullying) I was walking in front of my school wearing a ski mask because it was winter, and it was cold. Calgary, Alberta has an average temperature of -25 Celsius (-13 Fahrenheit) in the winter. It's also very dry. The snow turns to ice over time. While I was walking people started eyeing me. I got scared, so I quickened my pace. When I looked back they were following me. I started running, and they chased after me yelling, "Terrorist!" I ended up slipping on ice. The next thing I knew they crowded around me and started kicking me. I yelled and begged for help, but nobody helped. There were people around, but they didn't. After a while, the bell rang, and I was able to kick the people who didn't stop assaulting me. I was in tears, and was so scared. A few minutes later my friend took me to the office. After sitting in the principal's office crying my eyes out I calmed down enough to tell him what happened. I was able to Identify a few of my attackers who ended up telling the principal about the rest. One of the kids, who happened to be my friend was in my class, so he had to write me and my mom and dad an apology letter. I think everyone should have gotten a larger punishment.

Because the school was so horrible we moved to my current location.

(Names have been changed.)

About a year later, I dated a girl named Rebecca. She was one of my best friends. I didn't know her very well but I felt like there was something good between us. I was sure she loved me, and a few weeks later I asked her out on Facebook, and she said yes, and I was so happy. The next day I went to school and my ex who broke up with me and got back together with me eight times after finally ending it for good got off the bus and called me a man whore for dating her "best friend", who wasn't actually her best friend because they barely hung out. Rebecca didn't act like a girlfriend. She acted like a friend. Three days later my friend Tesa told me that Rebecca only said yes so she didn't hurt me. I ended up finding out that almost everyone knew this. Tesa was the only friend that had the kindness to tell me. I talked to Beth about it who was both mine and Rebecca's best friend. She didn't know about it either. She told me to talk to Rebecca about it, and it took me all day to get the guts to. When I finally did, she just stood there biting her lips. She didn't speak to me or look into my eyes. Later that night I started listening to depressing music. I also ended up cutting for the first time. The next day I told Beth about it. She ended up helping me because she had experience with cutting. I was freaking out about it, and it got infected but it eventually healed. A few weeks later I cut three times. It hurt, but the cuts weren't deep. It became an addiction for me, and I ended up cutting whenever I had an urge. The cutting made me feel depressed, and I felt like nothing was right. I remember sitting in my bed in the night wrapping a belt around my neck trying to choke myself. I tried eight times. A few months later Tesa found out that I was cutting. She didn't judge me, but she told me I needed to stop. She would get upset at me when I would cut because she really cared. She made me tell a couple of kids in our class who we were good friends with. I'm still not sure what her real reason was. A couple months later, I cut my wrists. I ended up showing Tesa the cuts. During last block Tesa started sobbing. She wouldn't tell anyone what was wrong, so our teacher got the counselor. A while later Tesa came back with the counselor.  She asked me to come to her office, and I had a bad feeling about it.

"Adrian....Your friend Tesa is really worried about you...She says your cutting. Is this true?" the counselor asked me.

"Yeah...." I replied.

"Can I see?" the counselor asked me.

"Um, Okay" I replied.

After looking at all my cuts, she asked if I had any on my private areas. I told her I didn't, which was true.

"A lot of people come to me and think that I can't tell anyone what they tell me, and a lot of times that's true, but by law there are some things I have to tell people's parents about." the counselor said.

"What If I say I won't ever cut again?! Please...please don't tell my parents!" I begged her not to tell my parents. They are the last people I wanted to know about my cutting...

"That would be really nice if you did stop, but I still have to tell your parents." the counselor said.

I said "okay," and left her office. The bell rang, and I told Tesa that I was really mad at her for telling the counselor.

Her exact response was,"I thought that would happen. I'll understand if you don't ever wanna talk to me again."

She risked our friendship for me to get me to stop cutting because she knew I wouldn't on my own. After that my heart dropped, and I knew I couldn't go back home. I told her that I forgave her and ran to find Beth. I wanted to run away, but I had to say good bye first. Beth told me I couldn't run away and that I had to go straight home. I said "okay," but that was a lie. I ran away to a trail, and I was freaking out the whole time I ran. Mom and Dad were expecting me to be home by then. When I got to the trail I sat down in the bushes and called Rebecca.

This is exactly how the conversation went:

"Hello?" Rebecca answered.

"...." I didn't say anything.

"Hello?" Rebecca asked.

"Hey um." I cleared my throat. "It's um....me Adrian.... Rebecca...I-I-I r-r-ran a-away...." I said.

"Yeah right! Where are you?" Rebecca asked.

"......" I didn't say anything, and took a big gulp. "I can't tell you...I really did run away." I started to tear up. "I'm sorry."

"Adrian wait! Adrian?!" Rebecca frantically asked.

I couldn't go on with the phone call, so I hung up. Then I pulled myself together and called Tesa.

"Adrian? I really can't talk. I'll talk to you at school tomorrow." Tesa said.

"I won't be at school!" I said.

"What...?" Tesa asked.

"I ran away...." I replied.

"Adrian that isn't funny!" Tesa yelled.

"I just wanted to call to say that it's not your fault." I said.

"Adrian where are you?" Tesa asked.

"I can't tell you that...I'm sorry" I replied.

Tesa started to cry, and that felt horrible because I didn't want to hurt her.

"Adrian, What's your home phone number?!" Tesa asked.

"I can't tell you." I replied.

"PLEASE! Just tell me!" Tesa yelled.

I ended up telling Tesa my home phone number, and then I hung up because I felt like if I didn't hang up I probably would have given in and told her where I was.

I got up and started to walk. A while later I got a text from Tesa.
The text said, 'Adrian, the police and Mr. Brick (Our principal) is looking for you.'

I didn't reply. I turned my phone off, and when I turned it back on I noticed a text from Mr. Brick that said that everyone is really worried about me. I replied and told him that it wasn't true. He texted me back and said that there are three R.C.M.P. Officers with two dogs, a helicopter and, my mom and dad, my aunt, uncle, and Tesa looking for me in the pouring rain. 

I shut off my phone again and decided to walk across a huge field that was 1 kilometre across. I wanted get by some  trees, but as soon as I walked up to a fence leading to the trees I noticed it was a barbwire fence. I got my jacket and covered my hands to jump over. My shoes got a little bit wet, but  it wasn't a big deal. When I got over the fence I noticed there was a mini flood that I hadn't seen when I was climbing the fence. I decided to head back because it was too much water. By this time, I was cold and wet. I headed back to the main part of the trail where there was an old abounded house, so I decided to stay on the back trail to avoid people. I then saw noticed my dad. He headed toward me, but I booked it, which was a close call. I ended up seeing one of my teachers, but I played it cool and nodded and gave a friendly smile. He didn't know I ran away...thank God. When I got into the house I turned my phone on. I got over 200 text messages from family and friends and one text from someone I didn't know.

The text from someone I didn't know said, 'Adrian, I'm Cpt. Mick'

'What's a Cpt?'

'I'm a Police Office'

My heart stopped. I thought it couldn't get any worse, but I was wrong. They were tracking me. I looked out the window and saw a police cruiser driving by slowly about 100 meters away. I backed away, and they didn't see me. Because I was near mountains they couldn't get an exact fix on my location. A while later my aunt ended  up finding me and took me home. An Officer came to the house and asked me if I knew who told him I ran away.

 I told him "Yeah. Mom and Dad."

The police officer answered "No. It was your friend Tesa."

 No one knew what happened to me besides Tesa, and she called the police. I can't get her smile out of my head, not because I still have feelings for her (I had a major crush on her at this time), but because of everything she did for me.

During the summer I met a girl named Danielle (Real name.) We started dating, and she knew I self-harmed. Each time I told her I cut, she would cry and beg me not to do it anymore. One day at camp I met my ex and I was pressured into making out with her. It felt good, but then the guilt came. That night I broke a pop can and went into the washroom and cut the inside of my elbow as deep as I could without screaming. It killed me to do that because I knew it would hurt her.

High School

One day at school I found a piece of glass. I was going to cut my wrist until I bled to death, but my friend Beth grabbed me and tried to stop me. She yelled at some of our friends to help, and I had three people trying get the glass away from me. I had an urge every English class, which I get once everyday day. I don't know why I got it in English class, but one class in September I couldn't take it anymore. I had a really bad urge and I went to the washroom and broke the metal part of my pencil that held the eraser and cut my wrist. I only stopped because the bell rang, and I had to get my stuff. I made a promise to Danielle that I would stop by November. That was two months away, and I did it! I still get urges and it's possible I always will, but they are so small, and I rarely get them. I was cut free until a couple days after November of last year. I also relapsed a few times In 2012.

In the summer of 2013 I broke up with my girlfriend and started dating a girl named Eden. Who I was crazy for. We were a great couple.

Late October we had a fight and things started to fall apart. On November 27 I was part of the tech crew for my school play (I was doing the lighting). During the break the police showed up at my school and arrested me under the mental health act because I was planning on killing myself and refused to get help. I ended up spending the night in the ward. I hated it. I was stripped of everything. I ended up lying the next day to the Doctor to get out. A few weeks before Christmas things between Eden and I got better. Three days later she broke up with me. She ignored and lied to me a lot. I had trouble moving on I was depressed and struggled a lot of self-harm. A couple months later during one the worst snow storms of the year I had a fight with mom and dad and locked myself in the bathroom. I wouldn't respond to dad or mom. Dad threatened to break the door down so I climbed out the window onto the roof and jumped two stories. I ran about a block to my friends house in nothing but socks, sweat pants and a hoodie. He left me stay their since it was awful out. I told his mom I'll be back in 30 mins. I was running late when I was on my way back from the church and I ran into my parents I bolted and jumped a fence into someones yard. At this point I had a hat, shoes and gardening gloves. About an hour later I went to a strangers house and ask for socks. He ended up giving me a ride to a motel across town after we drove half a block to some strangers house who I said was my aunt. I made up a story about how my car broke down and I forgot my cell in it. When he questioned why my aunt wouldn't answer the door I made up another story about how she is an alcoholic. All nearby motels were full. Hench why he drove me across town. The next morning the police were banging on the door. They found me. I later found out search and rescue were involved. A family member made a missing person post on facebook and it got over 1,000 shares. Most of which were strangers. People cared and knew I ran away. No one I knew brought it up. Not even work. About two months later I was told by an Anonymous user on Tumblr she told me to go kill myself. When I asked her she didn't deny it. Something snapped and I hated her. I was able to move on. With the help of my followers I was able to gain good self-esteem. I am currently almost fully over my ex and no longer suicidal. 
Cutting did not help me. It made my life horrible. No matter how long you cut for, you can always stop. It's all about the will power. Please do not ever turn to self-harm to cope. Self-harm isn't just cutting. That was just my way of self harming. There are many ways to self harm. If you know someone who does self-harm you should help them. You can save their life. I would not be here right now if it wasn't for my fiancee Danielle. That is a fact. I help people who self-harm, who are suicidal, who struggle with love, addiction and everything else. My name is Adrian. I was 14 when  I started going through hell. I am now 18. I relapsed earlier this year. Recovery is hard, but it is so worth it. Life is so worth it too. If you or anyone you know needs or wants help and advice I am ALWAYS here for you with anything. Whether you want to talk about your day or you want to die. I am here.

General Teen Help (any subject/crisis)

24-Hour National Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-3000

Covenant House Nineline: 1-800-999-9999

Cutting / Self-Harm

Hotline for Teens who Cut: 1-800-366-8288

Self-Injury Website

Healing Touch Self-Injury Website

Runaway Services / Shelter

Family Youth Interventions: 1-810-758-7040

Runaway Assistance Program (RAP Line): 1-800-292-4517

Suicide Prevention

National Youth Crisis Helpline: 1-800-999-9999

National Adolescent Suicide Hotline: 1-800-621-4000

Teen Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-949-0057